


The Original Track

by writtenrevolution



Series: ain't it funny how the night moves [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Best Friend's Brother AU, Explicit Language, Fluff, Human Disaster: Dean Winchester, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Pining, Slow Burn, no hunting au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-15 14:11:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19297345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenrevolution/pseuds/writtenrevolution
Summary: In which Castiel has been in love with Sam for years, but is afraid to tell him due to his own complete lack of experience. His saving grace? His best friend Sam’s older brother, Dean Winchester: beautiful, more than experienced, and all too willing to teach him.The originial, smaller, fic that inspired YRB.Can totally be read alone.





	The Original Track

**Author's Note:**

> This is the originial take that I expanded upon for young, restless, and bored. As you read, you'll probably recongize sections from the longer fic, but you'll also understand why I expanded on it in the first place. 
> 
> It's sweet and cute, but there's less character development and the plot seems more rushed. But, alas, it's still some sweet shit. 
> 
>  
> 
> [Young, Restless, and Bored Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3oaVEckUnS1LZcyx9voHjc?si=W7U_ixhnQvG0AB_Ub9z6tw)

Castiel stands on the front porch of the Winchester house, hands wrung in front of him and takes a deep breath. Today was the day. He’s finally going to get the courage to tell Sam how he feels.

He doesn’t bother knocking he hasn’t since the eighth grade, when Mrs. Winchester told him it was unnecessary, and walks into the foyer.

Ever since the first time he visited the Winchester household, Castiel had been in love with the classic simplicity of the place. The white fixtures, large windows - that means plenty of natural light - and the picture frames that line the walls. It has a calm, homey feel to it. It’s lived in. So unlike Castiel’s own house, with its hospital like white walls and cold unfamiliarity.

Castiel hears movement in the kitchen and follows the sound. He expects Mrs. Winchester to be standing over the stove, or perhaps to see Sam digging through the fridge, even to see Mr. Winchester rinsing out his coffee mug in the sink.

He doesn’t see any of this though; instead he sees Sam’s older brother sitting at the bar and nursing a beer.

“I thought the purpose of you getting an apartment was that you weren’t going to live here anymore?” Castiel offers offhandedly as he steps further inside the kitchen.

Dean scoffs and looks over his shoulder. Castiel gets a view of the cereal bowl sitting in front of him. “Fuck off.”

“Beer and cereal? Wow, the epitome of health.” says Castiel, walking around the grab a bottle of water from the fridge. He lays his laptop down on the table and pulls out the seat.

“You’re such a little bitch. I actually lived here, unlike present company.” Dean says, “Your boyfriend’s not here. Mom took him to mall to get some bullshit thing he needs for Advanced Chem.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Castiel says, and his heartbeat soars through the roof at Dean’s comment, “and I know, he told me I could hang out here until they get back.”

“Whatever, I’m going upstairs, ” Dean tells him, grabbing another beer from the fridge and leaving Castiel alone with his thoughts.

He opens his laptop, which immediately connects to the Winchester’s wifi - and then opens Google. He hesitates for a second and then types into the search bar.

_How to kiss_

This brings up several different articles, several videos, and a wikiHow step by step guide. He clicks the first video and exists a second later. It’s not really what he’s looking for.

_How to kiss gay_

This, thankfully, brings him articles that are more suited towards his desires. He scrolls down a little and clicks the one titled, “How to make out with a guy, Ultimate Guide!”

Castiel reads the whole thing and finishes feeling a touch more confident. It’s not really that he’s afraid of kissing, he’s just worried he’ll be bad at it, and then he’ll have to explain the real kicker: That he’s never been kissed before.

He’s ridiculously self-conscious about this fact, and every time his older brothers mention it, his cheeks flame red and he wants to curl up into a ball of shame. It is embarrassing. What eighteen year old hasn’t had their first kiss? Sam had his first kiss years ago with Amy, and here Castiel was, about to turn nineteen and a virgin in every meaning of the word.

He doesn’t know if Sam knows or not, but he’ll let him assume that he’s done it. Castiel doesn’t want anything to jeopardize the idea that Sam might return his feelings, even if it’s something as silly as him never kissing anyone.

He clicks the search bar and types again.

_At what age does the average boy have his first kiss?_

The first results make him cringe. Thirteen and a half? And the fact that 70% of the population has had their first kiss by the time their 15. Castiel should have known better than to look this up. He knew what he found was just going to upset him. But he has one last thing he needs to look for.

_Is it bad that I’m 18 and never have been kissed_

“So what’s wrong with you?” A voice asks from behind Castiel and he slams the laptop lid shut. Castiel spins in his seat to see Dean standing behind him, an empty bottle of beer in his hand.

“What?” says Castiel, he’s breathless at having almost been caught. Not that what he was looking at was bad per say, just embarrassing.

“You’re eighteen and you’ve never kissed anyone. So, like, what’s wrong with you?” Dean repeats and Castiel flushes at the condescending tone of his voice.

He huffs, “There’s nothing wrong with me, asshat. The opportunity just hasn’t… arose yet.”

Dean chuckles at his words. “The opportunity, okay. You mean the opportunity with Sam, right? God, I’d have to be blind to miss the way you stare at him. I can’t believe he hasn’t seen it.”

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Castiel says. “But yes, I’d like to kiss Sam.”

“But you haven’t.”

Castiel remains silent, worried that he’ll give too much away and that Dean will somehow put all the pieces together. It turns out he doesn’t need to speak for Dean to do just that.

“Because you’re scared. Because you’ve never kissed anyone.” He accurately guesses and Castiel flushes even more.

“None of this is any of your business.” Castiel all but hisses, he’s too embarrassed to function at the moment, especially considering Dean Winchester is the one who found out he’s never been kissed. Dean - I’ve slept with everyone in Lawrence - Winchester. He’s got countless women infatuated with him, and he strings them along like live bait.

Dean’s eyes narrow and his face softens a fraction. “Can I give you some advice?”

Castiel supposes he’s not really in the position to be turning down advice. (Especially since he was just consulting the internet for Christ’s sake.) “I guess, but it doesn’t mean I’ll take it.”

“First kisses are bullshit. It’s best to just pick someone and get it over with. Hell, pick someone and have them teach you! That way once you finally confess to Samantha, he won’t run screaming because you’re slobbering in his mouth.”

Castiel considers this for a moment. It doesn’t sound like Dean’s purposely trying to fuck Cas over, and he’s older (22 to Cas’s 18) so he’s got four extra years under his belt. Not to mention he’s experienced the sexier side of life. Castiel might actually heed his advice.

“For the record,” Dean starts. “If I was-”

“Hey Cas!” Sam interrupts whatever Dean was going to say by joining them in the kitchen. “Hey Dean, mom didn’t say you were going to be home.”

“I actually have to get going,” He says, checking his watch, “Bella’s suppose to be stopping by the apartment tonight to get her stuff.”

Bella, Dean’s latest ex-girlfriend. Castiel swallows around the dry lump in his throat.

“Cas, wanna help me with this project? You know how much I hate chemistry.” Sam asks, motioning to the supplies sitting on the countertop.

Castiel nods, “Yeah of course,” He turns back to Dean, “Uh, thanks for the advice.”

Dean smirks, “Anytime kid,” and then he’s standing and pulling on his leather jacket.

“Cas, let’s go! I’ll even do your history paper for you.”

Castiel follows Sam upstairs and watches blankly out the window as Dean gets into his Impala and drives away.

It’s later that night, once they’ve collected all the proteins, that Castiel brings up Sam’s brother again.

“Where did you say Dean’s apartment was?” He asks, shooting for casual and failing miserably.

Sam looks up from his test tube, eyebrows furrowed, “Dean? He lives in that place on Hamilton.” Sam tells him, “His apartment number is 124. Which I thought was funny consider his birthday is January 24th.”

Sam looks up again, “Why do you ask?”

 

His brain freezes. How in the hell does he explain this? “Um, he mentioned something about roaches, so I wanted to make sure I avoided wherever it was.” He lies, crossing his fingers and praying Sam believes him. Castiel focuses on the notebook in front of him and not the boy.

“Huh,” Sam says, “No wonder he spends so much time here.”

And then his attention is back on the proteins and Castiel lets out a breath.

//

It’s a week later (after having spent several long sessions in the mirror trying to practice what he was going to say to Sam) that Castiel finds himself standing in front of room 124 at the Hillship Apartments on East Hamilton Ave.

He’s been standing here for twenty minutes, almost getting the courage to knock and then chickening out.

Eventually though, the thought of Sam is what makes him raise his hand and knock twice on the wooden door. The sound echoes through the hall and a couple of seconds later he hears the click of the lock, and then the door is being pulled open.

Dean’s standing there, a beer in hand, barefoot, and holding a wad of bills in his free hand.

His smile dips in the corner when he sees Castiel. Dean blinks twice before shaking his head and speaking, “You are not Sam.” He sits the wad of cash down on a table by the door and turns back to Castiel, “How can I help you, Cassie?”

“It’s Castiel, and are you going to leave me standing out here or let me come inside?”

Dean rolls his eyes, but opens the door wider to allow Castiel to enter.

Dean’s apartment is unsurprisingly exactly what Castiel had expected. It’s relatively tidy, there are a few spare articles of clothing and such laying around, but there’s a method to the chaos. In the corner closest to Cas, there’s a large TV in the corner, a brown L shaped sectional surrounding it. There’s a McDonald’s bag sitting on the tabletop in the kitchen, and a few dishes in the sink, but it is otherwise pristine. Castiel figures Dean goes back home to let Mrs. Winchester do most of the cooking.

On the wall closest to the TV is a large Led Zeppelin poster.

Like Castiel said, the whole place is remarkably Dean.

Speaking of, Castiel turns back to the host and finds him looking slightly uncomfortable.

“Sorry about the mess, wasn’t really expecting company.” Dean tells him and Castiel dismisses his concerns with a nod of his head.

“It’s your house,” He says simply, “I actually came here to ask you a favor.”

Dean motions towards the sectional and Castiel takes a seat.

“What can I do for you?”

Castiel pulls his bottom lip into his mouth and contemplates this for the twentieth time since he first considered the idea. Asking his crush’s brother to be his first kiss? Especially considering who his crush’s brother was. For all he knew, Dean could be completely straight. Or worse, the - I’ll accept you from a distance - kind of homophobe. He didn’t think so, considering their previous conversation, but you can never be sure.

He closes his eyes and thinks of Sam. Then he thinks of Dean: of his soft bow lips, his emerald green eyes, of what people would say when Castiel said his first kiss was Dean Winchester.

“Iwantyoutokissme.” Castiel says, fast and all in one quick, succinct breath.

Dean’s eyebrows arch, “What?”

“I want you to teach me how to kiss. There aren’t any other guys I trust enough to ask, besides Sam, but we’ve had that conversation already. I know we’re not friends or anything, but you’re Sam’s brother and that means something. If he trusts you, I trust you, and I could really use your help.” Castiel explains, “If not, I understand. I know it’s a lot to ask.”

Dean licks is lips, considering, and crosses his arms over his chest. “A single kiss or you want me to teach you?”

Castiel hums, “A single kiss and then constructive criticism maybe?”

This gets Dean to snort, “You make it sound so proper. Come here.” He says, patting the cushion next to him.

“Okay, so just purse your lips a little.” Dean explains, and Castiel pushes his lips out like the classic “duck face” pose. It makes Dean chuckle, “A little less pursed. Relax them a bit.”

Castiel follows his instructions, “Like this?”

“Yeah,” Dean responds, “Now I’m going to press my lips against yours. Just a little pressure, okay?”

Castiel nods frantically. He closes his eyes, purses his lips like Dean said, and waits.

A second later, there’s a warm pressure against his lips. It’s not particularly noteworthy, but it’s not unpleasant. The kiss lasts maybe three seconds before Dean’s pulling away, and Castiel blinks open his eyes.

“Okay, now I’m going to do the same thing again, but you can open your mouth a little more this time. Just follow my lead, alright?” Dean explains and Castiel nods, closing his eyes once more.

The pressure is back and Castiel parts his lips like Dean had told him. He follows Dean’s moves, incorporating his own from movies he’s watched, and parts his lips a little further, letting his mouth move softly against Sam’s brother’s.

This kiss lasts a little longer, but then Dean pulls away, eyes flashing to Castiel’s lips before they dart back to his eyes.

“Very good, Cas.” Dean says, his voice huskier than before. “Now we are gonna work with a little tongue, if that’s okay?”

Castiel re-situates himself on the couch so he’s further facing Dean, “Very.”

This gets another grin out of the other man. “So same thing as before but I’m going to run my tongue on your lip and then you can meet me halfway with yours.”

“What?” Castiel asks, confused.

“Sorry I’ve never explained kissing before, just kind of run your tongue against mine. Do what feels natural.” Dean offers and Castiel nods again.

He lets his eyes fall closed again and then Dean’s lips are pressing against his. They kiss like they did the last time for a few seconds, and then Dean’s tongue is gently tracing the seam between Castiel’s lips. A gasp escapes Castiel’s mouth and he flushes with embarrassment.

Dean pulls a fraction of an inch away, “Don’t worry about it. That’s good, that means your enjoying it. Make whatever sounds you need to, and don’t be afraid to touch me. Just do what feels good, alright? I promise I’ll stop you if I need to.”

Castiel, breathless, nods and closes his eyes even tighter.

Dean’s lips return to Castiel’s, already soft and a little moist. His tongue traces the seam again and Castiel parts his lips even further. A second later, Dean’s tongue dips farther into his mouth and brushes against Castiel’s own. It pulls a soft moan from his mouth. He responds, letting his tongue stroke Dean’s as his hands curl into fists, and then he remembers what Dean said. He reaches out, gently pressing his palm against Dean’s cheek, pulling him closer.

It’s like Castiel touching him broke a seal of some sort, because then Dean’s hands are touching Castiel and he feels like he’s burning up. One hand goes to the back of his neck, angling his head back an inch - this new angle is incredible - and the other one fits softly against Castiel’s hip, pulling his entire body closer to Dean.

The older man breaks the kiss for a second and Cas chases Dean’s mouth. A second later, those beautiful lips are back on Castiel’s, and sucking Cas’s bottom lip in between his own. The pressure is intense enough to pull a long winded groan from Castiel’s mouth. He responds by letting his free hand touch Dean’s chest, right by his heart. The muscles are unsurprisingly firm beneath his own, and it makes him wonder what they feel like under the tee shirt.

Dean seems to be having a relatively similar train of thought, because he’s pushing Castiel back on the couch and then crawling on top of him.

The kiss breaks for a few seconds and Castiel physically cannot help the sound the falls from his lips. All he wants at this point is for Dean to fucking touch him. He’s already filling out quite quickly between the legs, and all he can imagine is how good Dean is with his mouth elsewhere.

He reaches out, fingers tracing the hem of Dean’s shirt. Then he glances back up to the man on top of him. Dean’s stretched out deliciously, long limbs on full display.

“Do you want me to take it off?” Dean whispers softly, pressing a gentle kiss to Castiel’s lips again.

The younger man nods, and Dean smiles. He sits up further, and pulls it over his head, letting it fall somewhere on the other side of the couch. “Don’t be shy, just do what feels good.”

If Dean with a shirt is hot, then Dean shirtless is porn worthy.

Castiel trails his hand across the man’s smooth skin, fingers brushing against the tattoo that sits on the left side of his chest bone. A tattoo that matches the one Sam has.

Sam.

Fuck.

In an instance all traces of lust flee Castiel’s body and he’s left with the fact that he just made out with Dean Winchester, the love of his life’s brother.

As if saying his name is a summoning spell of some sort, there’s a loud knock on the door. Dean’s head lift immediately and he stares at the door. They’re frozen there for a second, hoping that whoever it is will go away, but then Castiel hears him speak.

“Dean, come on open the door. I don’t want to have to put these down to get my key so just open the door.” Sam says from outside and Castiel’s eyes go wide.

“Shit,” Dean mutters, “Shit, okay, come on you can hide out in my room until I get him to go away.” He climbs off Castiel and grabs his shirt from the other side of the couch.

Castiel readjusts himself and stands on weak legs. He wipes his mouth and follows Dean into the back room.

Dean opens the bedroom door, “Just stay here and I’ll get him to go away.”

The door shuts behind Dean and Castiel hears him yell, “I’m coming, Jesus!”  
He hears the front door open and can hear the muffled sound of their voices, but can’t make out their words.

He takes the opportunity to explore Dean’s room. Like the rest of the house, it’s very much like Castiel expected.

The bed is hazardously made, striped white and blue sheets that have an eerie resemblance to Castiel’s own. There’s a pile of cassette tapes (all of them classic rock, of course), and a Bob Seger poster hanging by the bed.

Castiel can still hear Dean and Sam talking, so he takes a seat on the bed. It’s soft under his body, except a particular area that is harder than the rest. Curious, Cas runs his fingers over the top of the duvet. His fingers slip underneath the blanket and touch paper. He pulls back the blanket and blinks in surprise.

An old gay porn magazine. He blinks twice. So much for him thinking Dean was completely straight. He flushes at having so severely invaded the man’s privacy and slips the magazine back underneath the duvet.

He moves to the end of the bed and sits there, patiently, for Dean to return.

Ten minutes later, Castiel hears footsteps. The door opens and Dean motions for Castiel to follow him. He does, and Dean walks him back through the apartment and to the front door.

“Sorry that took so long, you know how the moose likes to talk.” Dean says, opening the front door for Cas, “I’d ask you to stay longer but Sam’s in the bathroom, and I think he’s planning on staying for awhile.”

“It’s fine,” Castiel responds, “I should be getting home anyways, I have that Chemistry project to finish.”

“Right, yeah. I, uh, hope this was-”

“Good. It was good, Dean. Thank you.” Castiel interrupts him with a smile.

“You’re welcome, Cas. If you ever need anything else, you know where to find me.” He motions to the apartment.

Castiel smiles fondly, “Okay, goodbye Dean.”

“Bye Cas.”

And then Castiel is turning and walking towards his car and trying not to listen as Dean silently shuts the door behind him.

//

He avoids both Sam and Dean for the next couple of days, until Sam honest to God shows up on his doorstep and demands to know why Castiel was avoiding him.

“Sam, I’m not avoiding you.” Castiel lies easily, “I’ve just been so busy with class and Gabe and my parents that I haven’t had any free time.”

Sam softens at that, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. You know you can always stay with me for a few days if you need to get away from your parents.”

“Thank you. It’s okay right now, Gabe finally moved back in so the yelling has ceased for the time being.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Sam responds, heartfelt and genuine as always, “Mom and I are going out for dinner if you want to come?”

Castiel looks over his shoulder and sees his sister, Anna, she makes a shoo-ing motion with her hands and widens her eyes. Their language for, “What the hell are you waiting for? Go!”

“That’d be great, just let me grab my jacket.”

Sam steps inside behind him as Castiel runs back to his bedroom to grab his coat. When he comes back, Sam is standing where he was before, looking at a photo that sits on the mantel. It’s Castiel’s whole family - all of them together for one day - and while they’re all smiling in the photo, that’s not how Castiel remembers it.

It was Gabe’s tantrum, Michael being an asshat, Raphael bashing Castiel, Anna finding out her fiance cheated on her… with Gabe, Luke almost killing Gabe for sleeping with Anna’s fiance, not to mention Castiel’s parents being Castiel’s parents.

But the picture turned out good, he supposes.

“Come on, we don’t want to keep your mom waiting.”

He follows Sam out the door, careful not to let it slam too hard behind them.

Mrs. Winchester chose a nice casual Greek place off of Fifth and Main, a place Castiel used to frequent with Anna before she went to search for inspiration in the Kamen Mountains two years ago. He hadn’t been back since her departure and inevitable return.

Cas lets Sam lead the way, following quickly behind him through the thick wood paneled door. He spots Mrs. Winchester almost immediately, sitting in a booth at the far right hand side of the restaurant. Sam waves off the hostess, making a beeline towards the booth.

He slides into the seat across from his mother, and Castiel follows suit, sitting down next to Sam.

“Castiel, I’m so glad you could come. Sam didn’t know if you were going to be able to join us.” Mrs. Winchester says once her eyes land on him.

Castiel smiles, eyes darting to the table, “I wasn’t sure either, but I’m glad I could. Thank you for inviting me.”

“Of course,” She smiles, “You should know by now that you’re always welcome.”

He offers her a smile, looking back down at the table and blinking twice. There were two glasses of water on Mrs. Winchester’s side of the table.

She must spot his staring, because Mrs. Winchester interrupts his thoughts, “Dean’s going to be joining us tonight. Lord knows he can’t cook for himself.”

“Talking about me?” Dean’s voice comes from beside them as he rounds the booth.

Mrs. Winchester laughs, “All bad things.”

“I would expect nothing else,” Dean responds, sliding into the booth next to his mother, “Sam, Cassie.”

“It’s Castiel.” He says quickly, trying to focus on anything other than the fact that Dean Winchester - the one he made out with - is sitting in front of him.

Dinner goes surprisingly smooth after Dean’s surprise joining. That is, until Sam flushes scarlet and admits that he has something to announce.

Castiel looks over at him in amused contemplation, unsure of what news would be worth such a formal announcement. He tries to think back to what Sam and he had discussed, and nothing surprising or remotely interesting rings a bell, and definitely nothing that warrants such a blush.

He reaches for his glass of water and takes a long sip, narrowly avoiding a lemon seed.

“I officially have a girlfriend.” Sam says, and Castiel honest-to-God chokes on his water. He subtly spits the mouthful of water back into his glass and turns to further face Sam.

“You what?” says Castiel.

Sam frowns, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but things were complicated and I didn’t want to tell anyone at first. At least not until it was official.”

Castiel turns away, tuning out the rest of the conversation about Sam’s new piece. He’s hurt: both his emotions and his pride.

Pride wise is simple: He’s got a huge crush on his best friend and his best friend just got a girlfriend.

The rest of his hurt is more complicated. It’s not stemming from jealousy, or anger, but honest hurt. Because Sam is his best friend, because he tells Sam everything, and Sam didn’t even bother to tell him that he was interested in a girl, let alone was going to try and date her.

“I totally forgot I promised my dad I would help him with, uh, stuff at the house.” Castiel says, accidentally interrupting their conversation. “Here,” He fishes out his wallet and hands a twenty dollar bill to Sam, “For dinner. I’m sorry to split so suddenly, but I have to get home.”

He knows he’s being completely transparent, Mary and Dean probably know exactly what he’s thinking. At the very least, Sam is completely oblivious, which saves enough face that Castiel doesn’t wish death upon himself.

That is, until, Sam says, “Cas, I drove you here.”

He freezes with his back towards them. Castiel schools his face - like he’s done so many times before - and turns to face the family of three. “No worries, I can walk. It’s not far.”

“You live fifteen minutes out of town.”

“I’ll be fine. See you guys later, thanks for letting me tag along.”

“Cas, we’re not gonna-” Sam starts, but Dean’s voice interrupts, “I’ll drive him home.”

Sam and Castiel voice their distaste at the same time, “That’s unnecessary!” Castiel says as Sam rolls his eyes, “Cas isn’t looking forward to dying, Dean.”

“I’m not letting you walk home.” Dean says as he grabs his jacket from the back of his chair, “I have to get home anyways, Molly is probably waiting for me.”

Sam looks at Castiel, eyes soft and pleading, but Castiel has nothing to say to him. Instead he turns to Dean, “I guess if you’re already heading home,”

Dean says goodbye to his family, as Castiel all but runs from the restaurant, pushing the glass door open and stepping into the cool evening air.

The sun has long since slipped below the horizon, and the night has taken on an eerie chill. He shoves his hands in his pockets as Dean barrels out the door behind him.

Dean says nothing so Castiel keeps quiet as well, following him slowly to the Impala.

Once they get inside and Dean turns on the air, Castiel gets the courage to ask what he was dying to know. “Is Molly your girlfriend?”

Dean looks at him curiously.

“You said she was probably waiting for you to get home, so I just assumed.”

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” Dean says, “Molly’s my neighbors cat that I’m watching until she gets back.”

“Oh,” Castiel responds, turning to look out the window. He doesn’t know why he cares, but he can’t pretend like a weight wasn’t lifted from his shoulders by Dean’s response.

They ride to Castiel’s house in silence, the only exception is the soft Bob Seger music that floods the speakers. Eventually, they pull up alongside the curb in front of Castiel’s house and he exits the car without even glancing at Dean. He doesn’t want to talk about what’s happened, and he figures this is the best way out of it.

His actions have the opposite effect, though, because Dean’s door opens too and he follows Castiel to the door.

They stand there under the harsh light of the front porch, and Castiel doesn’t know what to say.

“Thanks for bring me home.” He says, figuring that manners are the best way to go, “And for, uh, walking me to the door.”

“Of course,” Dean smiles, teeth bright and expression teasing, “Couldn’t have you getting kidnapped or anything.”

Castiel steps forward and brings his hand to rest, soft, on Dean’s tricep. “Seriously, thank you, Dean.” He emphasises, “For everything.” Castiel adds as an afterthought, dropping his eyes to the wood beneath his feet.

Dean says nothing and when Castiel looks up he realizes that Dean’s staring at his mouth, and his own arm is still gently grasping the older man’s arm. He drops it immediately as Dean takes a step closer to him.

Rationally, Castiel knows he should take a step back, or push Dean away from him. He’s in love with Sam, for Christ’s sake.

But Sam has a girlfriend.

A traitorous voice says in the back of his mind, and Cas can’t seem to look away from the oldest Winchester’s plump lips, especially not when his tongue darts out and swipes his upper lip.

And then Dean’s hand comes to lay on his hip - almost possessively - and Castiel is reminded, once again, that this isn’t Sam. It’s Dean, and he guesses that it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Castiel leans forward and presses his lips softly against Dean’s. Like their previous kiss, it sends shivers down his spine as goosebumps break out across his arms.

He sighs into the kiss, opening his mouth in shock when Dean crowds him back against his front door. The eldest Winchester’s hands are everywhere, mapping out each dip and bone of Castiel’s body.

Dean sucks Castiel’s bottom lip into his mouth and lets his teeth gentle bite down on it, and Cas’s legs almost give out right there. He kisses more enthusiastically, pulling Dean closer to him and trailing his hands over his back and letting them run further down.

Dean’s hips stutter when Castiel runs his fingers over the other man’s ass, letting them dip just below the waistband. He pulls away from the kiss for a second and stares into Castiel’s eyes. He thinks, for a second, that he did something wrong. It’s when Dean kisses him again, with renounced vigor and slips his knee between Cas’s legs, that he realizes that he definitely did something right.

From the way Dean’s literally fucking his tongue into Castiel’s mouth and all but grinding on Cas’s thigh, he assumes that the older man wouldn’t be opposed to furthering things along in Castiel’s bedroom. He’s just about to pull away and ask Dean, when the solid door behind him swings open and Castiel almost falls onto his back. He clings to Dean, who pulls him forward and away from the door.

Horrified at having been caught, Castiel turns around to face whoever interrupted his intense learning session. A flash of relief courses through his veins when he sees Gabriel standing at the door, mouth agape and eyes flickering between Dean and Cas, back to Dean, and then back to Cas again.

Eventually, he just shrugs his shoulders and walks out the door, not bothering to offer them a single word or chastisement at having been caught dry humping on the porch.

Castiel flushes - delayed - and turns to face Dean. “I would invite you in but, uh,” He motions vaguely after Gabriel and Dean chuckles.

“Yeah, no, I get it.” says Dean, rubbing the back of his neck, “Kinda ruined the mood.”

“Thank you for bringing me home, Dean.”

This gets him another sweet smile, “No problem.” A pause, “I’ll talk to you later?”

Castiel smiles and agrees, “Yeah, goodnight.”

Dean leans forward to press one last chaste kiss to Castiel’s lips, before pulling away. “Goodnight, Cassie.”

He lets the nickname slide and focuses on the tingling in his lips.  
//

Dean spends an hour driving around aimlessly, Led Zeppelin blaring from his speakers and the windows down. After his latest kiss with Castiel, he needed time to cool off and gather his thoughts before going home. He’s still wired when he pulls into his parent’s driveway - unable to go back to his place yet, still high off the memory of Castiel’s hands and the taste of his lips.

Dean knows that, at this point, he’s a special kind of fucked. He’s only kissed Cas twice, but each time takes a chunk out of his pride and his heart.

It’s obvious that Castiel has a long standing crush on Dean’s brother, and it’s unfair of him to be playing with Castiel’s feelings the way he is.

Cas was vulnerable, lonely, and hurt after finding out about Sam and Amelia, and Dean had inadvertently taken advantage of that. He was heartbroken and Dean had literally just spent twenty minutes humping his leg and sticking his tongue down Castiel’s mouth.

So, moral of the story, is that Dean is probably the shittiest person alive.

He rubs his hands over his face, and wishes for the one millionth time that he still smoked. He didn’t even like cigarettes, but they helped him relax and gave him something to focus on. A physical outlet for his emotional turmoil.

He’s half tempted to make a run to the 24 hour gas station for a pack, but the thought of forking over 7$ for twenty sticks of cancer and bad breath make him decide against it.

After sitting in the car for another fifteen minutes, Dean finally convinces himself to get out and go inside. All of the lights are turned off except for Sam’s, whose door is also cracked, and Dean takes that as an invitation to bother him.

Stepping into Sam’s room, he sees his brother sprawled out on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. When he sees Dean, his eyes close for a few seconds before he blinks them back open and continues his blank staring.

Dean shoves his hands in his pockets and prays it isn’t too noticeable that he spent the better part of his night shoved up against Castiel and his front door.

“I thought you were going back to your apartment..” Sam states, although it sounds more like an accusation than a fact.

Dean shrugs and sits down at the edge of Sam’s bed, “Wanted to drive around for a bit and I ended up here.”

“Why were you driving around?”

“I bought a pack of cigarettes,” Dean lies, “Spent an hour just staring at the pack before I could actually smoke one.”

“I thought you quit smoking?”

Dean chuckles, “Yeah it’s a habit I’m trying to kick. Great stress reliever though.”

Sam’s eyes flicker to Dean’s at that and he says, “Guess I should pick it up then, because I am unbelievably stressed.”

“I wouldn’t recommend it.” Dean says simply, “What’s got you so stressed out?”

“College, Cas.” Sam says, “Don’t worry I won’t bore you with my chick flick moment.”

Dean feels guilt curl hot in his stomach at the mention of Cas. “If you need to talk,” He says, letting the end of the sentence drop because the words sound so strange coming out of Dean’s mouth.

He’s Dean - let’s not talk about our feelings - Winchester, Dean - let’s avoid it until it goes away - Winchester, for fucks sake he’s Dean - absolutely no chick flick moments - Winchester! But this is Sam, and he guesses there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for his brother. Even discussing something as lame as their feelings.

“It’s okay, I don’t really want to think about it, let alone talk about it.” Sam says and Dean lets out an internal sigh of relief.

“Don’t stress about it too much. You’ll figure it out. You’re a Winchester, it’s kind of what we do.” Dean replies, standing up from Sam’s bed and walking towards the door, “Night Sam.”

He’s already walking away when he hears Sam’s response, “Goodnight Dean.”

//

Castiel wakes up the next morning to two new text messages from Sam. For a minute, he plans on ignoring them, but his curiosity gets the best of him and he opens them.

From Sam: Cas I’m sorry, I should have told you.  
From Sam: Let me apologize in person? Meet me for breakfast at Jody’s at 10? My treat.

He thinks about telling Sam to fuck off, but he realizes that he hasn’t been the most available friend, and that between school and Dean, Castiel hasn’t been to invested in anyone’s life besides his own. And no matter how hurt he is, Sam is his best friend and that means that most things are forgivable. He types out a quick reply and then starts to get ready.

To Sam: It’s alright, and okay I’ll see you then.

They meet at Jody’s a little bakery off of 21st Street (Castiel can’t help but notice how close it is to Dean’s apartment). Castiel enters the bakery, flooded with the smell of warm bread and coffee, and finds Sam sitting in a booth by the large 3 pane window in the back. He sees the two cups of coffee and a pile of baked goods in front of Sam, and a smile worms its way, unintentionally, onto his face.

He sits down in the seat across from Sam and smiles when the taller man jumps. Sam’s face smooths into a neutral expression and Castiel rolls his eyes, “You’ve already apologized, so there’s no reason for you to do it again.”

He can’t be mad at Sam for not telling him, when he hasn’t told Sam about Dean.

“Well I just want to say I’m sorry again. I should have told you about Amelia. It just seems like you’ve been distant recently, and I didn’t want to do anything that I thought would push you farther away.”

Castiel smiles soft, “It’s fine, really Sam, you shouldn’t feel like you have to tell me everything. You’re entitled to your own secrets, it just surprised me.”

It’s not like he can say the real reason it hurt so bad that Sam had a girlfriend.

“And I have been distant lately, and I’m sorry too. I’ve been dealing with.. some stuff.” Castiel adds on.

Sam’s eyebrows knit together, “Some stuff?”

“There’s this guy.” Castiel says, not adding anything else, because he doesn’t even know which one of the Winchesters he’s referring to.

“You found someone then?” Sam asks, “Do I know this person?”

“No!” Castiel says, too rushed and too loud. He thinks he sees a flinch of hurt from Sam, but it’s gone before he can look too deep into it. “No, you don’t know him.”

“Well, if you ever want to talk to me about it, you know you can. I’ve been told I give great advice.” Sam tells him, pressing his hand to his heart in an earnest gesture of empathy. It makes Castiel snort and shake his head.

The conversation continues on and Sam gives Castiel all the details about his new relationship with Amelia. It’s as Sam’s talking that Cas’s phone vibrates against the table. He knows it’s rude to check, but Sam’s so lost in thought about Amelia, Castiel figures he can spare it a glance. (Plus if it’s his parents, he needs to read it.) He’s surprised, instead, to find an unknown number.

Unknown Number: Heya Cas. I stole your number from Sam’s phone.

Castiel blushes at the thought of Dean actively trying to get his number, and types out a reply before saving the number in his phone.

To Dean Winchester: Hey Dean! Haha, how’d you manage to do that without him knowing?

Dean reads the message and starts typing almost as soon as Castiel sends it.

From Dean Winchester: Ha, just call me a man of many talents. (He was asleep and snoring like a horse.)

Castiel blows air through his nose heavily as he reads the message.

To Dean Winchester: A man of many talents? That I already knew. Like when you helped me break into my house with nothing but a credit card? Talent. And don’t even get me started on Sam’s snoring! How does he survive the night when he snores like that?

“Is that him?” Sam asks, and Castiel drops his phone and flushes hotly. He hadn’t realized how non subtle he had been.

“Yeah,” Castiel says, looking up at Sam and noticing the smug smile that sat on his perfectly cute face.

“Well if he can make you smile like that, then I think he’s good for you.” says Sam, and Castiel feels guilt curl hot and heavy - like lead weighing down his stomach.

“Thanks Sam.”

“Anything for my best friend.”

//

Dean and Castiel become texting buddies ridiculously quickly. They have long strings of text messages, a whole array of topics being covered. Castiel’s personal favorite was when they discussed constellations and the meaning of the universe. But he also loved when they talked about whether ketchup or mustard was better on hot dogs (mustard, obviously.)

The more he gets to know Dean, even if it’s just through a phone screen, the more he craves the man’s attention. Which is why when Sam mentions that Dean had invited them to a party, Castiel is quick to take him up on the offer.

He spends the entire week anxiously looking forward to the weekend. Dean had texted him and offered to buy him alcohol (which Castiel accepted) and promised Castiel he’d look over him and make sure nothing happened to him.

He shows up at the Winchester’s house around eight on Saturday to meet Sam. He walks in - as always - and is surprised to see Dean sitting on the couch, with a beer in his hand.

The second he looks up and sees Castiel, a smile spreads across his (ridiculously handsome) face and he pats the cushion next to him.

Castiel sits down next to him, a little too close to just be friendly, and smiles at the older man.

Dean looks a little to pleased as he speaks, “Hiya Cas.”

“Dean,”

“You excited for tonight?”

Cas shrugs, turning to further face Dean on the couch, “Yes, I suppose so. I don’t consider myself much of a partier, but I couldn’t exactly turn down the offer.”

“Cas, if you don’t want to go-”

“I do,” Castiel interrupts him, “I wanted to come as soon as Sam said you invited us. The both of us, I mean.”

“I obviously was gonna invite you. Plus, I needed an excuse to see you.”

Castiel doesn’t even try to hide the smile the spreads across his face, “Dean, we are friends. You don’t need an excuse to see me.”

He sees something flicker across Dean’s face. An unknown emotion that only lasts a couple of seconds before it’s replaced with the eldest Winchester’s signature smirk, as his eyes narrow on Castiel’s mouth. He feels warmth flush through his body, his head feels too hot, and then the feeling is spreading into his chest and stomach.

Castiel’s mouth feels dry and he wants nothing more than to close the distance between him and Dean. He can’t drag his eyes away from Dean’s lips. Perfectly shaped, perfectly pink, his cupid’s bow just begging to be kissed.

“Whatcha thinking, Cas?” Dean asks, voice deep and husky, sending a chill across the back of Castiel’s neck.

He shouldn’t do this. He’s sitting on the Winchester’s couch for God’s sake, Sam or Mary could walk in at any moment without them having a second of warning. There is so many reasons he shouldn’t be doing this. So many reasons. But the thought of having Dean’s mouth on his, his hands running across Dean’s broad shoulders and down his biceps as Dean fucks his mouth with his tongue kind of overshadows all of those reasons.

So Castiel looks up from underneath his lashes, pouting a fraction, and asks, “Aren’t you going to kiss me?”

Dean is on him so fast that Castiel barely has time to comprehend what’s going on, and then he’s on his back on the couch, Dean’s body hot and heavy above him. The kiss is fast and frenzied, like Dean also realizes how risky this is, but good enough to drag a low moan out of Castiel’s mouth as his toes curl in his shoes. Dean’s hands are everywhere, running up the sides of his legs, gripping hard onto his hips, pushing - just barely - up his shirt to run along his stomach.

Castiel’s making all these ridiculous sounds, but Dean’s tongue and his lips is taking him apart so sweetly, pushing him farther and farther away from coherence. All he can think about is the sharp drag of teeth across his bottom lip, the way Dean’s thigh shoves between his legs, and the growing need in his bones.

Castiel is about two seconds from saying, “Fuck it,” and dragging Dean up to the boy’s old bedroom, when Dean changes the intensity of the kiss. He allows it to mellow out more, no longer the hot thrust of his tongue alongside Cas’, but the gentle slip and slide of their lips moving in tandem. His hands are no longer groping impulsively, but are caressing his body, moving soft across his skin. Castiel’s own hands end up tangled in Dean’s brown hair, pulling gently so Dean breaks the kiss and his head gets tilted to the side. He takes the opportunity to run his free hand down the sharp column of his neck, and the veins that almost protrude through the skin.

He follows his hand with his mouth, tongue dragging wet across the skin - prickly with the stubble he’s yet to shave away. Dean tastes just as Castiel had thought, as he closes his lips around the particular section of skin on his pulse point. He sucks hard, enjoying the sweet taste of sweat and skin that is somehow so Dean. He hears the man let out a low groan and almost bucks his hips up at the sound. His skin is still on fire from their earlier intensely hot make out, but Castiel realizes that the longer they stay here, the more likely it is that someone will interrupt, and the last thing he wants is for Sam to see him spread out like a whore in heat beneath his older brother.

The thought of kissing Dean again is too much to resist, so he presses another longing kiss to the man’s mouth, pouring all the want he feels thumbing through his bones into the kiss, hoping Dean can understand just how much he wants this.

He breaks the kiss a second later, heading falling further back onto the couch cushion behind him. Dean’s eyes are dark and narrowed at Castiel’s lips, and he looks like he’s using every ounce of his self control to stop him from taking him apart right there on his mother’s couch.

He flushes at the thought, and Dean’s eyes dart to follow the blush as it spreads across his cheeks and down his neck. Castiel smiles shyly, and it breaks a bit of the overwhelming tension in the room. Dean bends down to peck one more, light as air, kiss to his lips before he untangles himself from Castiel’s body and stands up by the end of the couch. Castiel’s too kissed out to move and watches as Dean less than subtlety adjusts himself in his pants.

Castiel’s smile widens at the thought that he, of all people, can affect Dean Winchester like this, and Dean just sends him a wink and says, “I’m gonna go check on Samantha.”

Cas nods, still too dazed out to do much more, and then lets his head fall back against the cushion with a deep and satisfied sigh. God Damn, Dean Winchester knows how to kiss.

When Dean comes back, Sam following behind him, Cas can’t drag his eyes away from the blossoming bruise tucked beneath his jawline.

Castiel nods, still too dazed out to do much more, and then lets his head fall back against the cushion with a deep and satisfied sigh. God Damn, Dean Winchester knows how to kiss.

When Dean comes back, Sam following behind him, Cas can’t drag his eyes away from the blossoming bruise tucked beneath Dean’s jawline.

They end up leaving an hour later, heading to Dean and Sam’s friend, Ruby’s, house. She graduated with Dean, but apparently always had a soft spot for his younger brother.

Castiel can feel the music before they even pull into Ruby’s driveway. The black gated fence that surrounds the house is pulled open to allows guests to drive in. Dean pulls in, parking the impala by the garage and turning it off. Ruby’s house is something else. A white two story McMansion, with four strong floor to roof columns. It’s beautifully impressive and Cas’ eyes widen as he takes it all in. He climbs out of the car, following Dean to the trunk.

“Here ya go, Cas.” Dean says, handing him a brown bag before grabbing a twelve pack of beer. Sam grabs his own booze out of the back, before walking ahead of them and following a girl inside of the house. The second Sam’s out of view, Castiel wastes no time crowding Dean back against impala and dropping his lips to the older man’s. Dean immediately melts back against the impala, his hands going to grip onto Castiel’s shirt.

The sexual tension from before slams back into Castiel like he got hit by truck, and his knee goes between Dean’s and its all hands and teeth and want and Castiel can’t get enough of the taste of Dean’s mouth.

Someone lets out a low whistle and Castiel has to physically shove himself away from Dean. He wants nothing more than to pull Dean into one of the spare bedrooms and let him have his way with him, but Sam’s inside and they’re suppose to be enjoying this party, so he adjusts himself in his pants, grabs his booze, and follows Sam inside Ruby’s house.

Sam finds him almost as soon as he enters the house, giving him a confused glance from the side of his eye, one that only narrows when Dean half stumbles in after him, looking a little too smug for his own good. Castiel just shrugs and opens the bottle of cherry McGillicuddy’s that Dean had bought him and takes a large swig. It’s not as awful as he expected. The taste is very similar to the cherry flavoring that the gas station closest to his house has, and there’s only a slight tang of alcohol in the aftertaste. It is, however, ridiculously better than the repugnant beer that Sam’s drinking like water.

He doesn’t know many of the people at the party, which isn’t entirely surprising, but a couple he recognizes are in his class and a few more he remembers from their time at his high school. Sam, somehow, ropes him into a game of beer pong, and he’s a little too distracted watching Dean flirt with a redheaded girl in the back corner to do anywhere close to well. Sam seems to notice something is off with him, but ignores it in favor of encouraging Castiel to drink more.

Castiel’s halfway through his bottle of Mcgillicuddy’s and a couple of shots Ruby and her friend Meg had given him, when he gets roped into a game of spin the bottle. He hears Dean laugh when Ruby asks him if he wants to play and says, “What are we, sixth graders?” and Castiel has to agree (he feels like spin the bottle at a college party is a little unexpected), but then Sam all but pleads with him to play, and Castiel can’t say no.

They end up in Ruby’s kitchen, spread out on the floor in a less than perfect circle. He sits down between Ruby and a man he’s never seen before, but he’s pretty sure graduated with Dean. Dean and Sam end up across the circle from Cas, Amelia on the other side of Sam and the red headed girl from earlier on Dean’s other side.

“I’ll go first,” Ruby volunteers, reaching forward to spin the vanilla vodka bottle that sits in the middle of the circle. As the bottle spins, she stretches her long arms and leans closer to Castiel. She’s a little drunk, and this is technically the first time they’ve ever met, but he likes her well enough. She smells like overpriced perfume and cheap vodka, but he allows her to cling to him as she watches the bottle come to a stop, pointing at the red head sitting next to Dean.

Ruby’s smile changes to something almost predatory and motions slowly for the girl to come closer to her. The red head flushes almost the same color as her hair, as she crawls closer to Ruby. Ruby’s the one who kisses her first, a soft and sweet little thing, that surprises Castiel considering what he knows about the girl.

“Clarence, you wanna go next?” Meg asks, flashing a less than innocent grin in Cas’ direction. He nods, silent, and takes another swig from his bottle. He leans forward to spin the bottle, hard, and watches as Meg winks at him over the rim of her red solo cup. Cas sits back on his heels, watching as the bottle spins around again, before slowing down and coming to a stop. He looks up and his heart almost stops.

On the other side of the bottle, smiling sweetly, is Sam Winchester.

Castiel casts a quick glance at Dean, who has something akin to uncomfortable annoyance on his face. Castiel’s heart is beating like a sledgehammer in his chest, and the butterflies in his stomach have awoken from their alcohol induced sleep. Sam leans back a little, spreading his arms in a “come here” sort of motion that makes Castiel feel like headed.

He takes his cue from the red head girl, and crawls through the center of the circle until he’s right at Sam’s legs, which are spread open invitingly.

“Come on, Cas.” Sam says, and Castiel takes that as a signal to further slide up Sam’s lanky body. He stops as soon as his legs are bracketing Sam’s thighs. He doesn’t move any farther, waiting to let Sam take the lead. As if he can read Castiel’s mind, Sam’s hand comes up to rest on Cas’ cheek, not pressuring but steadying and comforting.

Slowly, like their bodies are magnets, drawn to each other, Castiel and Sam’s mouths slowly get closer, until they press together in a perfect and sweet kiss.

As far as first kisses go, this one is perfect. Sam’s body is warm and strong beneath him, his hand a comforting presence to ground Castiel, and his lips are soft and his mouth tastes sweet, like cinnamon gum he was chewing earlier.

And Castiel feels nothing.

Sam’s lips move slowly against his own, and his tongue darts out to swipe against Cas’ lip, and it should be perfect. It should be soul transcending. He should see fireworks or get goosebumps or something, but all Castiel can think of is how much he wishes it was a different Winchester that he was kissing.

Castiel breaks away from Sam, and stares at the shiny bit of Sam’s bottom lip. He can’t help but wonder why he was so distracted by Dean and that red head, that he didn’t even care that Sam was all but falling over to get his attention. Or why he was thinking about Dean when he finally got the chance to kiss Sam.

He doesn’t know when the shift was, but something has definitely changed. Before, when he looked at Sam, all he could feel was the butterflies overtaking his stomach combined with an almost to the point of nauseous need to be close to him. Now, when he looks at Sam, he sees a goofy kid with too long hair and a sweet smile. It’s nothing compared to what he felt before.

And it’s nothing compared to what he feels when he looks at Dean.

It would be one thing if he only liked Dean on a sexual level. And, he definitely likes him on a sexual level, but it’s unfortunately so much more than that. He feels an overwhelming desire to kiss him or crowd him up against the nearest surface, but he craves for Dean to smile at him, or talk to him, or just touch him. Castiel can picture himself in the future, and Dean’s always there, by his side, one way or another.

He doesn’t know when it happened, but Castiel thinks that as he fell out of love with Sam, he fell in love with Dean.

Castiel can barely look at Sam as he makes his way back to his seat between Meg and Ruby. He tucks his foot beneath his ass and casts a look at Dean. Something terrible sinks in his stomach at the purposely blank look on the older man’s face. Castiel feels longing and regret curl insistently in his chest, hopelessly tangled like one of Anna’s old necklaces.

“That was surprisingly not hot.” Meg comments and Castiel sort of zones out for the rest of the game. The bottle only lands on him once, thankfully, and he has to share a quick peck with the red head sitting next to Dean. It lasts for a second and then she’s pulling away and flashing him a smile, “I’m Charlie, by the way.”

“Castiel,” He says and Charlie lets out a little laugh.

“Duh dude, I know who you are. Dean’s one of my best friends.”

He decides not to look into this and allows Charlie to move back to her spot and Dean reaches out to take his turn. The bottle spins a few times, eventually rolling to a stop on the girl next to Meg. Dean offers her a little more than generous kiss, and Castiel digs his nails into his palms to keep from saying anything.

The girl looks dazed when he finally pulls away, however, Dean is looking less than affected. He sits back down in his seat and doesn’t spare a glance in Castiel’s direction.

The game comes to a close quickly after that and Castiel polishes off the rest of his bottle within seconds. Castiel begins to regret all his major life decisions as soon as the bottle is empty. He’s sitting on the couch next to a girl who is, to the best of his knowledge, smoking a joint, and reviewing the past several weeks of his life. He had decline a game of beer pong with Ruby and decided to be miserable by himself. Alcohol really brings out the worst in him.

He’s sitting there, half tempted to call Gabriel or Anna and beg them to take him home, when Dean appears out of nowhere and sits down on the couch next to him.

“You okay?” He asks, his whisper barely audible over the sounds of the party.

He shrugs, “‘m fine.”

Dean doesn’t seem convinced and he stands up and offer his hand to Castiel, “Come on, why don’t we get some fresh air? It’s kinda stuffy in here.”

He doesn’t really want to go outside, but he refuses to do anything that will put that same look back on Dean’s face from before. So he reaches out and lets Dean drag him towards the back patio.

If the front of Ruby’s house was beautiful, words cannot even begin to describe the back porch. It’s set with red brick, soft lights illuminating the area in rays of gold. Dean drops down to sit on one of the steps that lead to the actual back yard, and Castiel sits on the step in front of him.

“I’m sorry.” Dean says suddenly, hurried and quick like the words forced themselves from his mouth.

“For what?”

“I promised you I’d look after you, and then I practically ignored you for the past hour.”

Castiel smiles at the man’s words, “It’s fine, Dean. You are allowed to have fun; I don’t require a full time babysitter. I understand that you wanted to see your friends, and I promise it’s not a big deal.”

“But I wasn’t ignoring you to see my friends.”

“Then why were you avoiding me?”

Dean’s quiet for a second before he lets out a small laugh, “Nevermind Cas, it doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me.”

“It’s nothing, just let it go.”

Castiel’s tongue darts across his bottom lip and he notices the way Dean’s eyes seem to linger there. He takes a shot in the dark and says what he’s been thinking since spin the bottle, “You’re upset that I kissed Sam?” He phrases it more like a question and prays that Dean doesn’t shoot up and away at the mention of anything remotely chick-flicky.

Dean looks over his shoulder - back at the house - and lets out another almost self deprecating laugh. “Don’t be ridiculous Cas. You can kiss whoever you want. In fact, I’m kinda proud. I know you’ve been crushing on Sammy for forever.”

“So I can go back in there right now and kiss Sam and you wouldn’t care at all?”

Dean glances down at the dirt beneath his boot and shrugs, “Do you want to kiss him again?”

Castiel rolls his eyes, because this is honestly unbelievable, and sighs, “No Dean, I do not want to kiss him again. And you’re right. I was harboring feelings for you brother for a long time, but I don’t think I still have those feelings.” says Cas, “And while I’m being honest, I was kind of disappointed it didn’t land on someone else.”

Gone in an instant is that helpless look on Dean’s face, replaced by his smug grin, “Oh yeah? Who’d you wanna kiss, Cas?”

“Don’t be coy, Dean.”

He thinks Dean’s going to kiss him, but then the sliding glass door opens again and Charlie yells out into the yard, “Dean get your ass in here, you have to be my partner in beer pong!”

Dean’s smile dips a fraction in the corner, but then he’s standing up and offering his hand to Castiel again. He takes it, allowing Dean to pull him up, and then following the older man back inside Ruby’s house.

He watches Dean play beer pong for a little bit, loving the way he flexes dramatically when he makes a shot, before moving back to the kitchen to get a bottle of water. When he returns to the living room, water in hand, Dean is nowhere to be found. Castiel walks around for a little bit, eventually spotting Dean talking animatedly to a confused Sam. They’re tucked away in a corner, far enough away that Castiel can’t hear their words, and can’t read Dean’s lips either.

Cas bites the bullet and makes his way towards to the two of them. Sam spots him first and nudges Dean - sharp - in the side. The eldest Winchester looks over his shoulder and flashes Castiel a somewhat guilty smile.

“What could you be discussing that requires so much seriousness?” He asks, purposely trying to keep from staring too long at Dean.

“The weather,” Dean says at the same time Sam says, “My SATs.”

Castiel raises his eyebrows as Sam shoots Dean his patented “What the Fuck?” face and whispers “The weather?” and Dean jabs him back in the side.

“Heya Cas,”

He gives them a curious look. “Everything okay?”

Dean’s smile widens even more. “Of course, why wouldn’t it be?”

“Okay then.” He says, narrowing his eyes but not pressing, “I’m going to get another drink.” He lies, wanting to give them space to talk.

“Great idea, I’ll join you.” Sam says as soon as the words leave his mouth, and then he’s pushing his way through the crowd and Castiel has no excuse not to follow.

They crowd through the living room and into the kitchen, where Sam fills two cups from the keg.

“You know, I haven’t seen Amelia in awhile.” Sam says offhandedly and Cas’ eyebrows raise once more.

Come to think of it, Cas hasn’t seen her since spin the bottle.

“Maybe you should go find her?” He says, trying to be helpful, and Sam turns a blinding smile his way. It’s the kind of smile that only weeks ago would have made his heart flutter and his hands sweat, but at the moment he’s only happy his friend is happy.

“I probably should. Do you mind taking a beer to Dean? I think he was out.”

And Cas has an inkling that this was the plan all along. He’s hesitant to play right into Sam’s hands, but the thought of finally being able to talk to Dean again is enough to convince him.

“Sure.” He offers with a smile, and Sam holds out his full cup.

Cas takes it, wonders why Sam even filled it in the first place, and then turns back towards the living room in pursuit of Dean.

He’s right where they left him, sitting on a loveseat in the back corner. The only difference is that now there’s a girl sprawled in his lap.

Castiel sort of recognizes her. He’s pretty sure her name’s Lisa and he knows they had biology together his sophomore year. She’s beautiful, as always, with her black hair cropped short over her shoulders, inky as the night and glossy. Her makeup is heavy, but nice, and it accentuates her already pretty face. Her dress is short, shorter than her hair, and skin tight. She has two legs in Dean’s lap, the rest of her body turned towards him as she throws back her head in laughter and reaches out to press a hand to his arm.

Castiel stops short, the beer sloshing forward in the cup. He’s an idiot. He spent so long trying to figure out if he liked Dean, he didn’t even stop to acknowledge that Dean Winchester, in no way, likes him back.

It’s got to be a cosmic joke on Cas or something. The fact that he’s had feelings for both Winchester brothers, but neither like him back, and neither will. They’re far too good for him.

He wants to look away, but like a horrific car crash, he can’t drag his eyes away from the scene unfolding in front of him. A small part of him is interested in how Dean responds, but the majority of him is begging him to turn around and walk away before he gets more hurt than he already is.

He’s two seconds away from turning around, when Dean’s eyes flicker up and lock on Cas’. He winches at being caught so obviously staring, but before he can do turn away with his tail between his legs, Dean turns and says something to Lisa.

Her face scrunches up in either disgust or disbelief, and then she - too - turns to look at Cas. Her lips curl in amusement, and she turns back to Dean to offer him a smile. Then, to Cas’ shock, she removes her legs from his lap and starts walking towards him.

She stops a few feet from in front of him, her red lips curving into a gleaming smile, and then her eyes give him a once over. Once they’ve returned to his own eyes she says, “Hey Cas.” and then she’s pushing past him and into the kitchen.

What the hell?

Dean’s looking at him with a soft smile and, like a magnet, Cas is drawn to him.

He stops next to the loveseat and just looks at Dean.

“That for me?” Dean asks, and points a long finger towards one of the cups in his hands.

He shakes his head, offers a smile, and hands it out to him. Their fingers brush and Cas sucks in a breath. “Yeah, sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt,” He looks back to where Lisa disappeared, “That.”

“That?”

“Yeah, you and Lisa.”

“Oh,” He emphasizes, “That. That was nothing man.” Dean scoots over and pats the seat next to him.

Castiel drops down next to him, feels the warmth of Dean’s body bleed into his and nods. Dean’s tongue swipes out of his mouth and drags against his lip, and Cas can’t help but stare at the sheen of spit glistens off that plump bottom lip. Looking at it alone temps him. He wants nothing more than to lean over and pick up where they left off earlier tonight, but knowing Dean doesn’t feel the same way - knowing how fucking desperate he must seem, is enough to keep him from doing it.

But Dean turns him to, leg coming up to brush against his own, and Castiel can’t breathe.

“Why do I feel like we keep getting interrupted before we can talk?”

Castiel can’t help the smile that presses through his clenched teeth. “I don’t know, maybe you’re bad luck.”

Dean’s smile slips off his face a fraction, and then he’s turning sad eyes Cas’ way. “I still am sorry for ditching you earlier.”

“It’s okay. You needed to take some time to yourself. I get it.”

“So you’re not upset I ditched you?”

“No Dean, I’m not.”

Dean’s lip drags into his bottom lip, “So you’re not crushing on Sam then either?”

“I don’t know, honestly, I thought that kiss would have blew my mind, but it felt like nothing special.” He hesitates before he says the next part - unable to make Dean uncomfortable, "I kind of wished the bottle would have landed on you.”

Dean’s smile turns salacious, “Oh really? Something you want to share with the class?”

“I just,” He motions between them and then when the words fail he shrugs, “You’re a good kisser.”

“You’ve only kissed two people, and besides, I’m the one who taught Sammy to kiss, his moves are mine.”

“I didn’t say he was a bad kisser, I just didn’t feel what I expected to feel.”

“Okay well, explain it to me.”

Cas heaves a sigh, “It’s just that when we kiss, I never want to stop kissing. Like tonight? Dragging myself away from you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. If we were still pushed up against the impala right now,” He looks elsewhere, unable to look him in the eye, “I wouldn’t be complaining.”

Dean, somehow, moves closer until he’s completely pressed up against Cas, “God, I want to kiss you.”

“Yeah?” Cas says, and turns his body back towards Dean’s. His eyes look predatory, raking over every inch of his body.

“Would you slap me if I tried to kiss you?” Dean asks.

“I would not.”

Dean doesn’t say anything, just leans over further and brings his lips down against Cas’. It sends a thrill down his chest, in his stomach, and all through his arms. It’s exactly what his kiss with Sam didn’t feel like.

Dean leans back further, before Cas can deepen the kiss, and Dean’s forehead rests against his. “Better than Sam’s?”

He thinks he hears a bit of jealousy, so he leans forward and brings their lips together again. Like their first kiss on Dean’s ratty sofa, the eldest Winchester comes alive beneath him. His hands start running all over Cas’ body, over his shoulders and down his back and around his thighs, tugging him forward so he straddles Dean’s body.

Castiel can’t control himself. He reaches up and angles Dean’s head back, lets his tongue slip further into his mouth and sinks down into his lap.

Dean’s hands find purchase on his hips, dragging him further until their completely smashed together, and his grip is so tight that Cas hopes there are bruises come tomorrow.

“God Cas, the things you do to me.”

Cas lets Dean’s lips go, drags his mouth down the long line of Dean’s neck, peppers it with hickies and the occasionally bite of his teeth. He feels good, for the first time in so long, and he feels sexy.

He’s spent so long thinking he wasn’t good enough - thinking there was something wrong with him, but right now - he feels like he’s on top of the world. Cas is at a college party, making out with Dean fucking Winchester.

He breaks the kiss, pulls back and just looks at Dean. He needs to make sure this is real, that he isn’t dreaming this all up, and what he sees is a sight. Dean looking up, only a sliver of that sharp green visible because his pupils are so blown, a high flush settling along his cheeks, and his mouth open - plump lips red and raw.

Cas forces a swallow at the sight, looks at Dean so thoroughly debauched, and twitches in his pants. The sight of someone like Dean, someone every single person in the room wants, panting and desperate beneath him, is like a drug he’ll never be able to replicate.

Dean tucks his head in the crook of Cas’ neck, lips running over taut skin, and he can’t stop the words that flood from his mouth like sin themselves.

“I want you,” He says, “So bad.”

Dean bites down on his neck to minimize the vocalization of his groan. Cas pulls back, goes to reconnect their lips, and Dean allows it for a moment, before he pulls back with what Cas thinks is a whine.

“We should stop.”

Cas raises an eyebrow, drops his lips back onto Dean’s and feels him sigh happily into the kiss. A second later, Dean breaks the kiss again to say roughly, “Seriously, we should cool off for a bit.”

“You don’t want this?”

“Not here. Not like this.”

He can hear the unspoken, ‘not with you’.

Castiel can see Dean below him, practically shimmering with desperation, and deflates. He’d been foolish, again. Some part of him had hoped that by wanting to kiss him, Dean had somehow meant he wanted more. But he was wrong, as per usual. Hell, maybe Dean still thought he was trying to teach Cas how to kiss.

He untangles himself from Dean’s lap, feeling equal parts exhausted and mortified.

“Are you ready to leave?”

“Yeah, if you are.”

He nods, purposely not looking at Dean. “I’ll go find Sam,”

“Cas, I didn’t mean-”

“We’ll meet you by the car.”

He turns around before he can do something stupid, like cry or listen to Dean tell him that he only sees him as Sam’s friend or some shit.

He finds Sam in the kitchen with Ruby, Amelia, and a couple other people he recognizes from spin the bottle.

“Hey, we’re ready to head out.” He tells him, interrupting his conversation. Normally he would have waited, but he wants to be out of here yesterday.

Sam says his goodbyes, finally joining Castiel as they make their way towards the front door. He can tell by the taller man’s sluggish movements that he is well past inebriated. Sam stumbles and Cas is quick to reach out and steady him. It gives Sam the opportunity to stare at his face unblinkingly.

“You alright?”

“Fine.” Castiel responds.

“Are you sure? Did something happen?”

Cas shakes his head, “Nope, it’s all fine.”

He sees the impala, already started and waiting for them, and hurries his pace. As much as he doesn’t want to be in the car with Dean, he can’t stand Sam’s questioning either.

He opens the passenger door and helps Sam inside before sliding into the backseat, and watching as Dean turns around to speak to him, “Cas, seriously- I didn’t mean it like that.”

Cas interrupts him before he can make it worse, “It’s fine, honestly. Can we please just go?”

Dean looks at him for a second more, frowning, before he turns back to the steering wheel.

Cas thinks he falls asleep sometime during the drive, because when he wakes up, Dean’s arms are wrapped around him, carrying him upstairs in his arms. He’s half asleep and half drunk, so he allows himself this moment to curl closer into Dean’s arms. He gets laid down on a bed, and the sheets smell like Dean.

It’s enough to jolt him out of his asleep state.

“What?” He groans, taking in the posters that are pinned to the room. He’s in Dean’s room in his apartment.

“Go to sleep, Cas.”

“Where are you gonna sleep?” He slurs.

“Sam called dibs on the couch, and I think he needs it more than me. I’ll just take the recliner.”

Castiel pushes the blankets from his lap and makes the means to stand up. His legs wobble, and he sits back down on the bed.

“Let me sleep on the recliner, you should have your bed.”

“Dude, I don’t know if you can even make it to the living room. Just go to sleep, okay?”

He makes to get up again, and then Dean’s hands are on him, gently laying him back down on the bed.

“Do I have to stay here and make sure you fall asleep?”

“I feel bad taking your bed.”

“Then scoot over.”

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “Huh?”

“If you don’t want to take my bed, we’ll share. Now scoot over.”

He does so without question, and a minute later, Dean’s curling closer to him in the bed. Castiel lays frozen for a second, before a hand reaches out and brushes tentatively across his shoulder. Then Dean whispers, “Come here.” and Cas has no choice but to follow. He should be worried about Sam finding them, but all he can think about is how badly he wants to be wrapped up with Dean. He allows Dean to curl around him, tugging him into his chest.

“I’m sorry about tonight. Nothing went the way I was hoping it would.” Dean admits, “It’s like every time I say something, it gets twisted.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Dean assures him, “We’ll just have to talk when we’re both sober enough to make sense.”

“Sounds good,” Cas says and leans closer, “Goodnight Dean.”

“Night Cas.”

He blinks open his eyes sometime later, rays of the early morning sunlight just starting to peek through Dean’s bedroom window, and he knows it can’t be any later than 7am. Cas yawns, the action making the pounding in his head more noticeable. Dean’s pressed up behind him, a hand thrown across his hip and he can feel Dean’s soft breathing against his neck. It’s almost too good to pull away, but the dryness in his throat is impossible to ignore.

He maneuvers out from underneath Dean’s arm and watches as the man lets out another soft breath and curls into the space Cas had just vacated. Castiel smiles, happy to see Dean without the walls he usually plasters up like its his job. He looks softer somehow, younger.

Cas rolls his shoulders and sneaks out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. He’s pouring a glass of water when the fridge opens.

It scares the shit out of him. He jumps and turns to see Sam blinklng bleary into the fridge. He looks at Sam for a second, watches him sway on his feet before asking the question he’s been thinking.

“Are you still drunk?”

“You know Castiel is such a weird name? Castiel. Cas-te-el. Cas- tie - el. El like elk. That’s cool, dude. You’re named after an elk.”

“Okay, so that’s a yes.”

“Did you ask something?” Sam says, squinting at him.

Castiel smiles at him, “Let’s get you something to eat and some water, then we can get you back to bed.”

He heats up some pizza rolls and watches, half asleep, while Sam shoves them all in his mouth. They left the party a little after four, and his phone reads 6:30, so he’s barely had two hours of sleep. Once he’s finished, Cas moves his dishes to the coffee table and pulls the throw blanket from the floor and draps it across Sam.

“Where you sleeping?” Sam asks around a yawn.

“Your brother let me take his bed.”

“Oh,” Sam says, eyes scrunched up like he’s confused, “Where’s Dean sleeping then?”

He panics for a second, but calms down when he remembers that Sam’s still inebriated. He’s in no condition to question whatever Cas tells him. “Your brother took the floor.”

Sam nods and Cas relinquishes in the silence. He looks down at his hands, crossed over his chest, and tries to figure out if he should tell Sam. He’s practically in love with his brother, so he thinks that Sam might deserve to know, but at the same time, if Dean wanted Sam to know, he would have told him himself. So maybe Dean doesn’t want him to know.

He digs his teeth into his bottom lip and contemplates the idea of giving him a hint.

“Sam,” Castiel starts, his eyes still glued to the floor, “There’s something I need to tell you.”

He finally drags his eyes up and lets out a loud sigh. Sam’s eyes are closed, his mouth open and little sighs falling from his lips. He’s asleep.

Castiel smiles to himself, collects the dishes from the coffee table - leaving the water - and returns them to the sink. Then he tiptoes back into Dean’s bedroom. Carefully, he pulls back the comforter and reclaims his position. He thinks he made it without waking Dean up, but then he sees the corner of the older man’s mouth twitch and knows he’s busted.

“I was wondering if you skipped out on me.” Dean says without opening his eyes, his voice even rougher than it normally is. He’s not lying when he thinks it might be the hottest thing ever.

“Just went to check on your brother.” Castiel says, feeling Dean curl even closer to him. He can feel the eldest Winchester’s breath on his neck, his hands brushing against his hip.

He can feel Dean’s smile against his neck. “How is Sammy?”

“Still drunk.”

Dean hums, his lips moving softly against the flesh of Cas’ neck. He shifts on the bed, feels a layer of goosebumps spread across his skin. Then the words from only a few hours come back to him.

He scoots away from Dean, leaving a couple of inches between their bodies, “I thought you didn’t want to do this.”

Dean sighs softly and his hand comes out to trace against Castiel’s jawline, “That’s not what I meant. We were both drinking and I didn’t want to take it any farther because I didn’t want you to wake up this morning and regret anything. I know I’m just helping you out, giving you experience or whatever, but I’d kill myself if I ended up hurting you.”

Giving you experience.

Cas feels so fucking stupid. He closes his eyes, feels Dean’s calloused fingers against his skin, and wishes he could take back the past few days. He had been so foolish. Convincing himself that Dean was actually into him? All of this, all the kissing and touching, he’s just doing what Castiel asked, just teaching him the things he doesn’t know.

He’s spent the past night convincing himself Dean felt the same way, all the while Dean was probably laughing at him whenever he turned away. Poor Castiel, catching feelings for anyone who paid him the least bit of attention. No wonder Dean had stopped them at the party, Castiel was probably acting like a sixteen year old girl with her first crush. God, he could punch himself.

“Everything okay?” Dean asks quietly and Castiel could laugh.

He blinks away the tears that threaten to pool in his eyes, and smiles. “Yeah, ‘course it is, and you’re right. We’d both been drinking, it was smart to stop.”

“Cas, I just-”

“Let’s get some sleep, okay? We can talk later. We’re both running on a few hours and I’m exhausted.”

Dean looks like he’s going to argue, before he succumbs and nods his head in agreement. He pulls Castiel closer to him, but Castiel rolls onto his other side before they can get too close. Dean throws an arm over his hip, and it’s so damn nice that even though he should, he can’t bring himself to push it off.

He curls into himself, feeling stupid and pathetic, and closes his eyes and tries to even out his breathing.

Once he’s sure Dean’s asleep, he slides out of bed once more and collects his things from Dean’s bedside table. He dials Gabriel’s number as he exits the apartment, and holds the phone up to his ear.

“Dude, it’s like eight in the morning.” Gabriel says, and Castiel knows he woke him up.

“Can you come pick me up? I’ll buy you breakfast. All you can eat pancakes at Jody’s?”

“Damn you,” Gabriel sighs, “Text me the addy and I’ll leave once I’m dressed.”

“Thank you!” Castiel says, breathing a sigh of relief. “See you in a bit.”

He waits on a bench outside Dean’s apartment building and absentmindedly kicks a rock back and forth with the toes of his sneakers. He wishes he had a cigarette or a piece of gum, or something to keep him occupied. A few minutes later, he recognizes Gabriel’s car pull up alongside the sidewalk, and slides into the passenger seat.

“Wow, never thought I’d see you doing the walk of shame.” His brother’s words greet him as soon as his butt touches the leather seat.

“You have to have sex to do the walk of shame,” Castiel says, “Also please stop talking or I might throw up.”

He sees the grin Gabriel shoots his direction, far too happy for this early in the morning, and watches as his brother passes him a pair of almost completely blacked out sunglasses. Castiel slips them on his face, thankful that they block out much of the still rising sun, and leans his head back against the headrest.

He feels a little better by the time they pull up to Jody’s, and after the Hangover Special - something Jody invented for Gabriel he hears - he feels even more alive. That is, until Gabriel starts asking questions.

“So, who’s apartment?”

“What?” Castiel says, popping the last half of his biscuit in his mouth.

“Who’s apartment did you stay the night at?”

He debates for a second about lying, but decides that Gabriel would probably know if he did. Hell, he probably knows who’s apartment it is and is just trying to get Cas to say it out loud.

“Dean Winchester’s.”

Gabriel’s eyebrows almost shoot off his forehead and he tips his head back, a soft laughter falling from his lips. “You’re fucking your best friend’s brother?”

“No, it’s not like that, Gabe.”

“Then what is it like?”

Once again, he wants to lie. Wants to tell him that Dean took them home from the party because they were too drunk to drive and let them crash with him. But this is his brother, and yeah there’s a one hundred percent chance that Gabe is going to give him hell about this, but maybe he can offer some brotherly advice too.

“You have to swear this doesn’t leave here.”

“Who am I going to tell?” Gabriel huffs, his tone annoyed.

Castiel narrows his eyes, “Did you forget when you posted a blog about Anna losing her virginity?”

Gabriel looks like he’s about to protest before he deflates in his seat, “Okay, so I told one secret, once. But I swear I won’t say anything. Now tell me before the anticipation kills me.”

“Fine, God, this is an awful idea.” Castiel groans, hiding his face behind his hands, “Okay, so up until a couple of weeks ago, I had never even kissed anyone. Being the nerd that I am, I was looking online at tips and hints, and stuff. I didn’t realize Dean came upstairs and he caught me, kinda gave me shit for it, but only jokingly. Anyways, I ended up asking him to teach me and we’ve been making out, heavy making out, since. I thought that maybe he had feelings for me, but he made it abundantly clear last night that he’s still just helping me out or whatever. And I don’t know what to do because I think I’m getting feelings for him, and I could really use my big brother right now.”

When he’s finished, he finally opens his eyes and looks at Gabriel. He looks equal parts impressed and sad - but there’s no pity in his eyes or laughter.

“We got to find you a man.”

“What?” Castiel says, incredulous.

Gabriel licks his fork clean and shoots him a smile, “If Winchester doesn’t realize what he has, then you need to move on. Why get the experience if you’re not going to use it? We’ll find you someone to go out with. You’ll have a couple fun dates and then Grumpy Winchester will be the last thing on your mind.”

“Grumpy Winchester?”

“Yeah, Grumpy and Dopey Winchester.”

Despite his pounding headache and imminent heartbreak, Castiel can’t help but snort out a laugh at Gabe’s nickname for Sam. He throws a piece of toast at his brother’s head and smiles when he says, “I fucking hate you.”

“Aw, thanks babe.” Gabriel says in response, “Now can we please talk about why you let Grumpy of all people take your kiss virginity.”

Castiel throws another piece of toast, and Gabe’s laughter echos off the walls.

True to his word, later that day a series of text messages come through Castiel’s phone. The first two, from Dean, he reads and ignores.

From The Best Looking Winchester (12:02PM): Hey, you left early. Call when you get a chance?  
From The Best Winchester (2:13PM): At least let me know you made it home?

The third message, however, sparks his interest.

From Unknown Number (2:33PM): Hey there! Is this Castiel? It’s Balthazar from Jody’s, your brother gave me your number, and I wanted to see if you might like to get coffee or dinner with me sometime?

He saves the number and types out a response.

To Balthazar (2:39PM): Hey! This is Cas, and I’d love to go out with you! When are you free?

They text for the greater part of the hour, and decide to meet at the Thai restaurant off fifth street Friday at 7PM. Just the thought sends nerves of excitement through his chest. Finally, he’s going on a real date. And if Balthazar leans in to kiss him at the end of the night? It won’t be kissing Dean, but at least he’ll know what to do.

He manages to avoid Sam for the majority of the week, until Sam corners him outside French class on Wednesday.

“I know you’ve been avoiding me, and I’m going to assume it’s because we kissed at Ruby’s party. If that’s not it, then I apologize for whatever I did. But I really need your help.”

Castiel turns an unimpressed look his way. “With what?”

“I’m going to Amelia’s cabin with her next week, but there’s no way they’ll let me go with her. So I need you to pretend like we’re going to your family’s cabin.”

He blinks. “We don’t have a cabin.”

“Yeah but they don’t know that!” Sam whines, “Please, man, I really need your help here.”

“Fine,” Castiel finally relents, “You’re lucky it’s Friday though, or else you’d be hung out to dry.”

“Since when do you make Friday plans?”

Castiel smiles at the thought of going out with Balthazar, “Since I have a date.”

If he thought Sam’s smile was big before, the one that replaces it is show stopping, “What? Dude why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

He’s sort of surprised by Sam’s enthusiasm, “It just happened, but seriously it’s just a first date.”

“Dude, he’s been pinning after you forever. I can’t believe he actually got the nerve to ask. I’ve been telling him to ask you for the past year.”

And that gets Cas’ attention, “I didn’t realize you and Balthazar were friends.”

Sam’s smile gets replaced by a amused confusion, “Balthazar?”

Castiel narrows his eyes, “Yeah, my date’s with Balth.” A pause, “Wait, who were you talking about?”

Sam flashes him another brilliant smile, “Nothing, nevermind. I’ll see you Saturday.” and then he’s turning around and shouldering through the hallway.

Cas blinks and shuts his locker. Weird.

Friday comes too soon for Castiel’s liking. He’s excited for his date, obviously, but there are butterflies in his stomach every time he thinks about it. It’s not only his first date with Balthazar, but his first date with anyone ever.

As soon as he gets home from school, he tears through his closet in an attempt to find something that doesn’t look like what a college English professor would wear. He gives up after ten minutes of searching, and ends up outside Anna’s door, begging for her help.

“Why do you need something nice anyways? I sincerely doubt Dean’s going to dress up.” She says as she shoulders past him in the direction of his room. He walks fast paced behind her, unable to keep up with her long legs.

“Dean? My date’s with Balthazar.”

She gives him a puzzled look, “Balthazar? I thought Gabe said you had the hots for Winchester.”

“I mean, I do. But I’m not going out with him.”

She starts pulling shirts out of his closet, but pauses to look at him, unimpressed, over her shoulder. “So you’re crushing on Dean, but going out with someone else.”

He sits down on his bed, content to let her try and find something decent, and shrugs. “Dean’s not interested. He’s older and, like so hot, I’m sure he can find someone better to date.”

Anna drops the hangers she’s holding and comes over to sit down next to him. “You’re really going to let this opportunity pass because you think he’s better than you?”

“I don’t think Anna, I know.”

“I know I’m biased, because we share the Novak genes, but Dean Winchester is no better than you. He is hot and charming, but you’re the most amazing guy I know. You’re smart and funny and so damn sweet. Plus, Novak genes, remember? Novak’s are like sex on a stick.”

He snorts at her metaphor, and smiles at the ground next to his bed. “I know, I just, I guess I’m just intimidated by him. And either way, he’s really not interested.”

Her lips curve into a displeased frown, “That’s not what I heard.”

“What?” He says sharply.

“I mean not from a reliable source or anything, but from the way Gabe describes it - and from the tonging session on the porch - I think he might like you more than you know.”

“That wasn’t anything, he’s just been helping me learn how to kiss.”

“If I’m being honest,” Anna says with a smile, “I would never agree to teach someone to kiss if I wasn’t, at the very least, attracted to them.”

“I, eh-”

“Just think about it. Talk to him tomorrow at dinner.” She says with a sweet smile, “But in the meantime, let’s get you ready for your date.”

He meets Balthazar at a nice diner downtown, and it turns out they actually have a lot in common.

They’re on opposite sides of the booth, splitting an appetizer, and laughing about Balthazar’s brother’s failed attempt of jumping off their roof with a plastic bag as a parachute.

“I tell you,” Balth says, his accent crisp in the quiet diner, “It’s a wonder he didn’t die. I told him countless times that it wouldn’t work, but he was hell bent on proving me wrong.”

“Honestly, that sounds like something Gabe would do. He was an insane child.”

Balthazar laughs, and it’s so contagious that Castiel can’t help but laugh too. That is, of course, until he sees the man who just ducked into the diner.

He looks good, as he always does, and Cas watches as he makes his way to the register, not ten feet from their booth.

“Let me guess, that’s the Winchester you’re in love with?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Castiel says, blinking and turning his attention back to his date.

Baltazar has a knowing smile on his face, “You’re brother filled me in. I was suppose to get your mind off him for the night, but I see that I have failed miserably.”

He’s about to reply, assure Balthazar that it’s not his fault, but then Dean turns - takeout bag in hand - and spots them. Cas curses under his breath as he sees Dean toss him a smile and start moving in their direction.

“Shit.” He says, and then Dean is at their booth, looking devastatingly handsome in a flannel and military jacket.

Dean smiles, vibrant as always, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Hey Cas,”

“Hello Dean,”

They stare at each other for a moment, before Balthazar clears his throat and Castiel realizes how long they’ve just been sitting there staring.

“Oh, right, sorry. Dean this is Balthazar, Balth this is Dean Winchester.”

“Hi, I’m Castiel’s date.” Balthazar says as he shakes Dean’s hand, and honestly Cas just wants the Earth to open up and swallow him.

He doesn’t miss the way Dean’s eyebrow arches at that, and then he flashes another smile. “Sorry for interrupting. Enjoy your date.”

“Are you going to be at dinner tomorrow?” Castiel says suddenly, unable to watch Dean walk away.

He stops, and nods his head slightly, “I was planning on it, yeah.”

“Okay,” Castiel says, “I’ll see you there then.”

Dean nods once more, although he looks like he’s far away, “Have a good night Cas.”

He watches Dean walk away with a frown.

“Well that was awkward.”

Castiel gives him a sheepish smile and shrugs, turning back to their appetizer.

All in all, the date with Balthazar went really well. Castiel had a great time, talking and laughing over their burgers - and with the exception of Dean’s interlude, the night was perfect. Once they finished eating, Balthazar was insistent on walking Cas back home, which he shyly accepted.

As they walked down the street, bright lights twinkling like stars along the sidewalk, Balthazar reached over and folded his hand around Cas’. It was nice that Balthazar, even knowing his feelings for Dean, still went above and beyond to make the date perfect.

And when they arrived at his doorstep, and Castiel reluctantly released his hand, Balthazar leaned in and drop a sweet and chaste kiss on his lips.

“I know things are complicated for you, but I had a really good time tonight and I’d love to go out with you again. But take your time, figure out what you want, and then you can let me know. And even if it’s not a date, I’d love to be your friend.”

Castiel nodded, watching Balthazar shove his hands in his pockets, and offered him a wave goodbye. “I will. Thank you for tonight.”

“I’ll see you later, Cas.”

He opened the door, shutting it behind him once Balthazar had vanished from sight, and leaned against it.

He was so fucked.

Even thought the night had been perfect, and the kiss had been wonderful, the only thing he could think of was the four second conversation he had with Dean at the diner.

Fuck.

His Saturday, compared to Friday, drags along so slowly that Castiel is surprised the month hasn’t ended by the time 7 o’clock rolls around. Cas gets dressed slowly, in another outfit Anna had picked out the night before, and walks the long way to the Winchester’s house. He’s nervous, so fucking nervous, about seeing Dean after the previous night’s events.

He knocks on the door instead of just barging in, for once, and a moment later Mrs. Winchester is opening the door and shaking her head.

“Castiel, how many times do I have to tell you that there’s no need to knock. You practically live here.”

He gives her an easy smile and follows her inside, “I know Mrs. Winchester, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable just walking in.”

She grins in response and motions towards the stairs, “Sam and Dean are upstairs, so you can go ahead up. Would you mind telling them dinner will be ready in about ten minutes?”

“Sure thing,” He replies, taking the stairs two at a time.

Sam’s door is cracked open, and he hears voices inside. Unwilling to interrupt, he freezes outside and waits. Unfortunately, he gets a front row seat to the conversation inside.

“What do you mean?” Sam asks, his tone soothing and soft. It’s the classic ‘someone in crisis’ tone he uses.

“Dude, I don’t even know. It’s just all a hot mess.” Comes the reply, and he recognizes Dean’s voice. It’s muffled, though, like he has his hands over his face.

Sam sighs, long and loud, and there’s a pause before he speaks again, “Maybe, and this is just a thought, you could say something?”

“What the hell am I supposed to say, Sam?” Dean’s reply comes, sharp and biting.

“You don’t have to bitch at me just because you’re emotionally stunted.”

He hears the shuffling of clothes and then Dean’s reply, “You know what, forget I said anything.”

“You can’t just ignore it, and hope it goes away.”

“Watch me.”

And then the door opens and Cas comes face to face with Dean Winchester. He offers a smile, hoping Dean won’t think he was purposely eavesdropping, but Dean’s face remains blankly polite. Like Cas is just some person he’s passing on the street. And then he’s stepping aside him and disappearing downstairs.

He turns to find Sam laying on his bed staring at the ceiling. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but I didn’t want to interrupt.”

Sam offers him a smile and a shrug, “It’s cool, he’s just pissed because he knows I’m right.”

“About what?”

“It’s a long ass story, Cas.”

He nods, understandingly, “Well your mom said dinner’ll be ready in ten, and that was like 5 minutes ago.”

“Let’s go eat then.”

He leads Castiel out of the room and down the stairs. Cas sees Dean sitting on the couch, feet reclined and watching some game on the TV. He’s curious as the what’s bothering him, so as Sam disappears into the kitchen, he drops down on the couch next to him.

“Who’s playing?”

Dean doesn’t even offer him a glance. “Packers and Saints.”

“Oh, cool.”

He knows nothing about fucking football.

“Listen Dean-”

“You know what? I forgot my phone upstairs. I’ll be right back.” Dean interrupts him, and stands from the couch before Cas can get another word out. He’s out of the room before Cas can even think about something else to say, and it gives him whiplash.

Castiel waits a few minutes, and when it becomes clear that Dean isn’t coming back soon, he stands up and ventures into the kitchen. He enters just as Sam drops into the seat next to Mrs. Winchester, leaving the only available chairs the two right across from them. One for Dean, and one for Cas.

“Cas, I didn’t know you’d be joining us tonight.” Mr. Winchester says, from his seat at the head of the table. Cas takes the seat across from Sam and offers him a smile.

“Sam invited me on Thursday, I hope it’s no bother.”

“Of course not, son, you’re like family.”

He smiles again, more genuiene this time. Dean walks in then, his eyes narrowing at the only available seat. He shoots Sam a deathly glare, before taking the seat next to Cas. He looks at Dean, waiting for Dean to return the eye contact, but he never does. It hurts, and serves as a reminder of what an idiot he’s been.

“Let’s eat.” John says, and Castiel prays the dinner goes by quickly.

Once their stomachs are full and the dishes are away, Cas asks Sam if he’d like to join him and his family at their cabin the next weekend. Both Mary and John are quick to give him their blessing, but Dean’s the one with the objection.

“Is your boyfriend gonna be there?”

Castiel looks up at him sharply. “Excuse me?”

Dean holds his hands up, in surrender, and scoffs, “Forget it.”

But Castiel won’t. He’s had enough of this bullshit. “Can I speak with you. Alone.”

Dean rolls his eyes and pushes his chair away from the table a little too forcefully. He stalks out of the dinning room and Castiel follows behind him. He finds Dean on the swing on the porch, an unlit cigarette between his teeth.

Cas takes the seat next to him and shoves his hands in his coat pocket.

“What the fuck is your problem?”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“What?” Castiel says, trying to hid his panic.

“I get it, you know, I do.” Dean says, “You’re young and fooling around and you should. You should do what makes you happy, take advantage of your youth or whatever, but I can’t do this anymore.”

“Dean, you can’t do what?”

“I can’t have you kiss me like that, like it means something, and then go out with someone else.”

Castiel’s so confused. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

But then he gets it. Sam saying that his date had been pinning for him, and how he told him to go after Cas, but then being confused when he said it was Balthazar.

“Oh my God.”

Dean seems to understand that Cas understands because he turns sorrow filled eyes his way, “I’m sorry, okay? I should have told you before this whole thing started. I just saw what I wanted right before me and I couldn’t stop myself. But that wasn’t fair-”

“How long?”

“The day after your seventeenth birthday.”

“Shit Dean that was almost two years ago.”

He sees Dean put his head in his hands, “Trust me, I know.”

“I thought you hated me?”

Dean snorts, although it sounds more self deprecating than anything else, “How could I hate you?” He sighs heavily, “Listen, I know you’ll want to end-”

“Go on a date with me.”

Dean’s eyes find his, “What?”

“Go on a date with me.”

“You have a boyfriend.”

Cas smiles, “I went out with Balthazar once, and he knows I was pinning after you the entire time.”

“You just got over Sam.”

“Yeah, and I got stuck on you. Please just give me a chance. I don’t want to experiment with other guys, I just want you.”

“Cas, you don’t know what you want.”

“Don’t tell me what I know.” Cas replies, “Because I know the entire time I was with Balthazar, I wanted to be with you. And when I kissed Sam at the party, I wanted it to be you. And you’re just like stuck in my head all the time. I think about you constantly, and every time I kiss someone else or think about someone else, it’s never the same as it is with you.”

Dean’s looking at him, eyes wide and so fucking beautiful in the porch light. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay, let’s go on a date.”

Castiel smiles and it’s so wide and genuinely happy that his cheeks hurt.

//

They agree to go out the next weekend, after Cas explains that Sam’s not actually coming to his parent’s cabin. The week drags by painfully slow, and then Friday morning, Dean sends him a text message.

From Dean (9:23AM): I’ll pick you up at 7, dress nice.

The message makes him smile. A second later a second message comes through.

From Dean (9:24AM): I can’t wait to see you.

The butterflies in his stomach are back full force and Cas thinks Dean might kill him.

That night, he dresses in a nice button down/slacks combo and sits on the couch by the door in anticipation. Gabriel and Anna were both out for the weekend, so no one was there to witness his panicking and pacing.

At 7:00 exactly, the doorbell rings, and Cas barely manages to rain in his squeal of excitement.

He waits a moment, calms himself down, before answering the door. There is Dean Winchester, in a blue button down shirt and black pants.

Castiel bites his lip to keep from smiling too hard.

“Heya Cas.”

“Hello Dean.”

Dean gives him a charming-boyish smile and Cas’ knees go weak. “You look amazing.”

He flushes, because fuck him, and returns the sentiment. “As do you, Dean.”

Dean’s leading him out the door before he knows for sure, but he thinks he saw a little pink in the man’s cheeks as well.

They drive downtown in Baby, and Castiel is so nervous his leg starts shaking. Dean reaches over and lays a hand, gently, on his thigh. It’s non expectant, just reassuring, and Cas thinks he’s in love.

They park on the street and Dean turns to give him a smile, “The restaurant’s a little bit of a walk. I hope you don’t mind?”

“Of course not.”

He’d walk miles with Dean if that’s what it took to spend time with him.

For the first few minutes, they walk side by side with their hands brushing, but then Dean seems to get the courage to reach over and tangling their fingers together. A thrill runs through his chest at the brush of Dean’s palm against his and he smiles at the ground.

When they reach the restaurant, a nice Italin place that surprises Castiel, Dean tells his name to the waitress and they are seated almost immediately. They’re in a corner booth so Castiel can scoot close to the eldest Winchester, who gives him a small smile and lets his arm rest around Cas over the top of the booth.

They talk about Cas’ school while he looks over the menu, immediately deciding on the angel hair pasta before settling back against Dean. It’s nice, being curled up with Dean, without the fear of someone spotting them.

After they place their orders, Dean’s hand finds a place on his thigh, and Castiel can’t keep the smile from his face.

The dinner flows too quickly for Cas, but like every other time he’s hung out with Dean, it’s enjoyable. Hell, it’s more than enjoyable. They laugh over Dean’s ridiculous jokes, maintain a freakish amount of eye contact, and every time Cas says something, Dean listens like it’s gospel. Castiel can confidently say that no one makes him feel anything like the way Dean does. Dean makes him feel like he’s the most important person in the room. Like everything that comes out of his mouth is never stupid or random, but of the utmost important. He listens intently, asks questions and makes little noises to let Castiel know he understands. It sets the bar for future dates ridiculously high.

The evening is wearing on, and Cas has been eyeing the last scallop on Dean’s plate for a couple of minutes, when Dean pauses in his story about Zeke from the shop. Although he hadn’t been paying one hundred percent attention, the sudden lack of Dean’s tenor pulls his attention.

When he looks up at him, he finds Dean already looking back at him.

“What?” Castiel asks.

“You want the scallop?”

"What? No, it’s your last one.” He says, although it’s a lie. He just wants a taste, wants the buttery sauce to burst over his tongue. But he’s not going to be that kind of date.  
He watches as Dean stabs the scallop with his fork and holds it up to Castiel’s face.

“Dean,”

“Cas, I want you to have it.” His hand tightens on Cas’ thigh.

“You were literally just talking about how much you hate sharing your food.”

He sees Dean flush a little, although it’s probably just the bright overhead lights. “It’s a date, and you’re the exception.”

The reminder that he’s on a date with Dean Winchester sends a thrill through his stomach. He looks at the scallop almost dripping in butter, and leans forward to close his mouth around the end of Dean’s fork. It’s almost obscene, the noise he makes. It’s a mix between a groan and a moan, and the food tastes so damn good that he can’t even be bothered to be embarrassed. As he’s chewing the food, he watches - with rapt attention - the way Dean shifts in his seat. Cas can see the way he swallows, the way his throat works in a way that’s almost pornographic.

Castiel watches as he swallows, the scallops somehow going down rougher than he expected. He watches the glint of butter on Dean’s bottom lip and takes a long gulp from his drink.

Once they’ve had their fill, Dean picks up the bill. He holds Cas’ hand during the walk back to the car, and Castiel leans against him. It’s like something out of a movie, and it sends a thrill through his chest each time he thinks about it.

The drive is mostly silent, Castiel sitting as close to Dean as his seatbelt will allow, Dean’s hand on his thigh, and a small smile on both of their lips.

When they get back to Castiel’s house, Dean’s out of the car before Cas has the opportunity to say a word. He pulls open the door so Cas can climb out, and takes Cas’ hand once more. His skin is warmer, almost as if he’s nervous, and Castiel can’t understand why. He should be used to this. Dean walks him to his door, and Cas’ heart is beating too fast and too loud in his chest. He doesn’t want the night to end. Once they reach his door, he turns to look expectantly at Dean.

“I had a really good time tonight, Dean.”

Dean gives him a smile, “Me too, Cas.”

“And I’d love to go out with you again.”

Dean looks up, his expression confused, “What?”

“I mean, if you don’t want to-”

“No, I do.” Dean says quickly, “Sorry, I just kind of expected tonight to be the end of it. That you’d lose interest.”

“If you thought I was just going to call it off, why even agree to go out with me?”

Dean reaches up, his palm brushing against Castiel’s cheek, “I thought that one night with you was better than never getting the chance.”

He reaches up and curls his hand against Dean’s, “I know you’re under the impression that I’m not in this for the long run, but I really like you Dean. And I do want to go out again, and,” He sighs, “I’d like to be exclusive, with you. If that’s something you want as well.”

Dean’s lips spread into a smile and he nods, “That’s something I’d like.”

And then Dean kisses him and it’s everything he’s missed. It’s just a chaste kiss at first, but then Cas gasps and Dean slips his tongue in, just so lightly, and he’s gone.

He kisses back enthusiastically, letting the soft slide of their mouths together help the stress seep out of his shoulders. He pulls back, breathless, and looks into Dean’s eyes.

“Do you want to come inside?”

Dean smiles, as breathless as Castiel is and says, “Of course.”

_fin._


End file.
